Thoughts on going home...

So, I finally made a decision (well I really made the decision like 3 weeks ago, but I am really bad at maintaining this thing) that I am going home in August. I am leaving Dublin on August 7th, and I am homeward bound.

God is leading me into such a different season of my life. A season where I need to trust Him in going to school and living in Regina for a while, and not on the front lines of missions but at the same time always in a state of ministry with those around me. I catch myself saying that it will be different ''not ministering'' for a while. But actually, I will never ''not be ministering'' because my definition of ministry is so broad. Sharing about Jesus is ministry and there will never be a point where I don't do that. Where I don't share my faith with someone, because it is who I am.

There are a lot of factors that came into my decision to go home and go to school for a while...Some I would rather admit did not influence me, but it would be a lie if I said that certain things had no influence.

Like the fact that this year took a lot out of me. I battled with things I never thought I would, and I know it is good because I am learning and growing, but it does not change the fact that when I do get on the plane to go home, I will be exhausted and some what relieved to enter a sanctuary with God.

I have felt for a while that my priorities are messed up when it comes to God, family and ministry. For so long I have been choosing ministry in an attempt to fix my walk with God. That has never been what ministry was intended for and I am quickly learning that lesson the hard way. God needs to be first and He is taking away everything in my life that is before Him. I am stubborn so I fight him on this from time to time, but in the end, all I can really do is surrender. In the end, all any of us can really do is surrender.

I am going to school because I want to make a bigger difference in the world I see around me. There is nothing worse than seeing a need and not being able to do anything about it. Don't get me wrong, I believe prayer and love are two of the most important things I can do to help and I am trying my best to do those. But I also want training behind me to really make a difference, to get people out of the situations they are in and show them that someone cares enough to change their circumstances. So that's why I have also chosen Social Work.

So, yeah I am scared as hell, because I have never come to a point where I have to take a step back from what I thought was going to happen (and fought to happen honestly) and allow God to release me into a new season where I will be stretched in finding who I am in God more deeply and out of that will come ministry in the future. After my priorities get healthy and I can be in a place where I can stand on my own confident in who my God is and where He is taking me.

So scary time, but exciting time, because He sees the bigger picture and I am so short sighted its not even funny!!

KiKi bought a pretty dress!!

So, since Dublin is like fashion central! I figured that I could not leave without buying something pretty! So I bought a pretty dress. Also I was feeling kind of left out with Jen and Muss and Tina getting pretty Dublin dresses! So here it is in all its coral and brown glory. Haha!! Yay!

Every girl needs a JCB hardhat!!

Captivated.....

''My lover spoke and said to me,"Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me.
See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.'' -Song of Songs 2: 10-13

PICTURE TIME!

Here is a picture of Kat and I when she came to visit us. This is my favourite bunny hug ever!! Becasue its yellow!! And of course I have much love for Kat's incredible David Hasslehof shirt!!
This is Jen and I on our girls night out at Eddie Rockets in Dublin!! So much fun!!
This would be me if I were ever to change my name to Champagne and choose another profession! Just kidding! We had left over hair from when we put braided extensions in Andrea's hair and I decided to have a good time!
This is my brothers hot new electric guitar! He paid a fortune for it, but its so pretty!!
And finally, this is my new tattoo, all healed and looking not as red and yucky!! So happy I got it!

All for now!
KiKi

I actually got a tattoo!!!!

So, as you can see by the picture, I finally got my tattoo!!! I am really excited about it!! Jen and I have been planning on getting tattoo's together in Ireland since we came the very fist time, and now it has finally happened.

We made appointments this week to get them done yesterday at 1pm. So we got up and headed down to a tattoo parlour called ''Art Tattoo'' which is owned by an Italian guy named ''Michele'' who is friends with James and Jacob and all the feast guys! I met him a few years ago when Jortosh came to visit Jacob and ever since I wanted to get a tattoo from him someday because he is such a great artist and does absolutely beautiful work!!

So Jen and I went at 12 and picked out what we wanted and with the help of Michele and Miguel and a few other guys working, they designed my tattoo and one for Jen which is also beautiful (I wish I had a picture) that she got on our wrist!!

So then came the time to actually get the tattoo. Now let me just say to everyone who says it does not hurt- IT DOES!! IT REALLY DOES!!! Well, not to mention the fact that I got my first tattoo on my foot, which is suppose to be one of the most painful places!! Go me. Jen got hers on her wrist, which she said was also so painful! I cant even imagine how much that one must have hurt!!

So yeah, I will put up more pictures when I have them, Tasha came with us and documented the whole thing.

SO, now we are just nursing our very sore tattoo's, but so excited about them.

I will explain a bit about mine. I got the trinity symbol to represent of course the trinity and also my time in Ireland becasue of the whole celtic theme behind the trinity, and Isaiah 61 is the verse God gave me when He not only called me to Ireland, but into missions, and I was reminded of it again this past summer when I went through deliverance. So it really means alot to me, and I am so thrilled to have it as a reminder of the commitment I made to God and the promises God has made to me.

Here is what the verse says:

'' The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning,and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. Aliens will shepherd your flocks;foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion,and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. "For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed." I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.''

This verse is also so my prayer for Ireland! I just love it, means so much!!

So there you have it, my new tattoo!! yay!!

Love,

Kiki

I LOVE THE FLIP!!!

It has been a while once again since I have last written on here. I am so not good at maintaining a blog!! Probably becasue I have the attension span of a 3 year old when it comes to actually sitting down to do personal emailing and internet time becasue I spend so much of my life on a computer at work! Yuck!

Jen and Muss' blogs are so pretty! Hahaha, cant help but be a tad jealous about their creative stylin's!

I bought the cutest card for my mum today- its a picture of a mum and a little girl looking at each other and they both have curlers in their hair and they are laughing...its in black and white... reminds me of me and my mum becasue apprently I used to copy her every move when she would get ready in the morning! Aw, miss her!

Anyways, so its getting nicer out, which always makes Dublin a bit more tolerable! I have been such a beach bum that past few weeks. Just hanging out at the beach every chance I get. Its just so darn beautiful and I love laying in the sun. Helps me chill out a bit!

I have been so stressed lately about my stupid future. Do I stay in Dublin? Do I go home and be with my family and get an education? I did not get my visa like they were hoping to get me with work so makes it a bit more likely that I am going home.

Going home is really what is in my heart to do. I want an education. I want to be with my family and get my walk with God straightend out. I am tired. I love Dublin and the kids, they are my life so I know I will be back to see them- but I feel like this season is coming to a close.

Mind you, is that just me saying that or God? Always seems to be the struggle.

Anyhoo, I think I am pretty much done rambling! I am going to head home before my flip flop addiction overcomes me and I go to Penney's and buy 4 more pairs! I am lethal in the summer!! I just want all the flips!!! I like how I waited until the end of my post to explain the picture of the flip flips. But seriously, Old Navy ones are the best!!! Once you get Old Navy you can' t go back! Can't wait for my love affair to continue when I come home!

Kind of crazy!

KiKi

''Soul Cravings'' and Time Change!!

I am reading a really cool book at the moment by Erwin McManus called ''Soul Cravings''- I really recommend it. Erwin McManus is a fabulous writer and speaker. The book covers a variety of subjects and its kind of in the form of a journal, and Erwin bascially just talks about what is on his heart, from love, to hate and violence, to God. It is really making me think.

I read part of it this morning that talks about love and hate and how they are so close to eachother. He talks about everyones need for love, its a need that has not evolved with the generations. Without love, we enter a world of isolation and hate and thats where violence and corruption comes from. I don't explain it as well as he does, but its intense and very true.

I also bought a book yesterday called ''Blue Like Jazz''- Tasha says it is such an awesome book- so I am really excited to read that one as well!! Oh the love for books I have when I am sitting at a computer all day waiting for the phone to ring.

I had to teach sunday school this morning- and so I had no idea what I was going to teach on so I left a big early to try and get my head around a lesson before the class started. So I got to church and to my dismay the service was already going on. Now we have 2 services at our church- one at 9 and one at half 11, so me being me, I was like wow, the early service is very long today as it was already like 11:35. My sunday school lesson started at 12.

So by about 12:00 I asked someone, I was like ''is this the first service or the second? Because I am teaching in the second and they have not released the kids to their classes yet'' ....and the poor lady I was talking to got a horrified look on her face and was like ''um, love, this is the second service, the clocks moved an hour ahead this morning so its now 1:00!''
So needless to say, I bolted to my classroom to see my teenage helper looking dismayed trying to entertain 15, 3 year olds with playdoe. Oh, I am so awesome!

So, with that excitement out of the way, Jen and I are off to do some shopping and then cleaning!Back to work tomorrow!!

Dublin and such.....

I have decided that it is probably about time I update my blog. I haven't used the internet long enough to even consider updating this thing!

So, I have been in Dublin now for like 4 months now! So crazy! It has been really hard but lots of fun at the same time! I am not going to even go into the craziness that has been the last 4 months. Check out our Ireland blog if you want an update! Yeah thats right I am lazy!

So, I just spent the last 4 hours at the crazy chinese internet shop downloading music onto my new pink ipod (so excited!). I am off work today becasue I have a lame chest infection or something to that affect. So it will be bed for me soon! Wow, what an exciting life I lead!

Staff part tomorrow night- pretty excited about that as we are going to a Japanese Karaoke bar! Should be intensly funny especially since everyone on my team plans on being completely toasted before even entering the karaoke bar! So hopefully I feel better so I can drink my coke and laugh at everyone.

I think we might go out to a beautiful part of Ireland this weekend called Powerscourt. Its part of Wexford and has a waterfall!! Yay! I have never seen a live waterfall before, so God willing the weather will be nice and we will own it!

Anyways, I am starting to like Dublin again as the weather is getting nicer and its now so dreary! Can't wait for it to get warmer! I love summer so much!

I emailed my travel agent today as well about moving my plane ticket up a couple weeks so I can start school in september. How crazy would that be if I came home long enough to get a degree! Still praying becasue I just want what God wants!

Anyways, enough of my ramblings! Heading home to drug myself up and sleep!

My heart, and God's...

It has been a while since I have written in here, I have been so busy that I don't get the time to think, let alone blog.

This summer back home has been intense, and so completely fabulous. I can't believe how fast it has gone, and I can't believe the work that Jesus has done in my heart. I feel like a completely new creation, and I can honestly say that I have walked my whole Christian walk without feeling the peace and the complete love and joy that I feel now. Its crazy.

God still has work left to do in me, the work is never done- but He has started a good work and I am so thankful for that. My heart is being renewed and changed to be more like His everyday, and that is so exciting becasue it is something that I have been praying for, for so long. I have been praying freedom for so long and it is finally something I am experiencing.

I am heading back to Dublin at the beginning of November and I could not be more excited to take on the challenges that God has laid before me. He has broken my heart and remewed my passion in a big way for the city and for the people. I am on my knees for the kids most day becasue I just love them so much and want them to know special they are. I want them to know that someone cares about them enough to stick it out. I am willing to sacrifice everything to build that into these people. I am going to miss home like crazy, and I always end up homesick, but to me it is worth it. The call of God is worth sacrificing my comfort.

I wish that people could see what I see when I look at Dublin. I wish people could understand the love God has for His lost children. People say they understand, but if they did, if they felt the heart of God for the lost, than they would not be sitting in their lives not making a difference. They would be running, desperate to share His heart and make it known. That is my desire.

Now that I have seen God's heart, I can't contain it.

We are having a banquet this weekend to raise some money for this year in Dublin..I pray at this banquet that people would see my heart. That they would see how important this ministry is, and that I would beable to convey at least an ounce of the love God has for Dublin.

Scream

I could not say how I feel better than these lyrics put it....

Does anybody know how I feel?
Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome
Does anybody care what's going on?
Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm
For you to see me, I need release
Do I haveto scream for you to hear me?
Do I have to bleed for you tosee me?'
Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me
Do I need to scream?
Has anybody seenwhat's been done?
Where was my defense?
No one heard my protest
The eyes of God were watching me
It's time to make my peace, let it go and be released
So I can breathe again
I'm on my knees
I've been marked, set apartBut I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark
One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand
Is enough to heal me and make me stand'
CauseI'm clean,
He is listening to me
I don'thave to scream for Him to hear me
Don't have to bleedfor Him to see me
'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me
I don't have to scream
I don't have to bleed'
Cause I'm clean, He is listenin
gAnd I don't have to scream

Too much.....

I have been home for like a month and a bit now...so crazy that it is going by so fast!! God has done so much so far this summer- He has been so faithful and so good, and really helped me to deal with my heart and a lot of the bad stuff that happened in Ireland. I met a fantastic Christian couple who are taking me through deliverance and helping me to find true freedom in Christ, and I am so thankful for that, but its so overwhelming at the same time. God is doing a fast work in me, so its heart wrenching.

I have so much on my heart, and so much that I need to deal with.....I walk around numb most days because I just don't know where to begin, but at the same time, God has given me so much peace, and so much joy about finding true freedom. I am halfway there, and if I have this much peace halfway through, imagine the peace that will come with true surrender and freedom in Him!

Now, I am at an awkward stage, because I am starting to get healthy and walk in truth, and see what needs to be done...but its hard, and I don't want to admit alot of the stuff God is bringing me into, and I really don't want to surrender the things that God is asking me too...not becasue I don't want freedom, but becasue it hurts so much. Surrendering my family- breaks my heart...surrendering my friends- God has had to take away alot of them in order to get me healthy so I am doing okay there- surrendering my future and my visions and goals and my ministry- break my heart. I know that it hurts so much becasue at a heart level I do not trust God and what He has for me- but it doesn't change the fact that it needs to happen regardless of how I feel. I know the truth.

I do not know if I will be going back to Ireland in October and that terrifies me. It terrifies me becasue if God asks me not too, then I feel that it will be becasue I did not do a good enough job. I know that my work in Ireland is not done, and so I will be back there, but its God timing. I just don't want to hurt anyone, and prove anyone right.

I just want to cry.

Silence- what scares me most and what I most desire

Title: In the Silence
Artist:Jason Upton

Tired of telling you, you have me
When I know you really don’t
Tired of telling you I’ll follow
When I know I really won’t
Cause I’d rather stand here speechless
With no great words to say
If my silence is more truthful
And my ears can hear how to walk in your way


In the silence
You are speaking
In the quiet I can feel the fire
And it’s burning, burning deeply
Burning all it is that you desire to be silent, in me


Oh Jesus can you hear me?
My soul is screaming out
And my broken will cries teach me
What your Kingdom’s all about
Unite my heart to fear you,
To fear you’re holy name
And create a life of worship
In the spirit and truth of your loving ways


Jesus,
the cry of my heart is to stand before you-completely bare and honest. To be humble- knowing I am a sinner, but confident- not in who I am, but in who YOU are. I want you to have my whole heart and for me to be so completely captivated that I can do nothing but stand in silence. I am not there yet, but my heart aches for that day.

Great sermon today....

Today I wasn't planning on going to church becasue I woke up so tired, but God had a different plan. I had this crazy dream after I hit my alarm and ended up convicted about not going. So I got up and threw on some clothes and made my way down to church and I am glad to say that it was well worth it.

I really prayed during my worship time that I would really beable to connect to God. Like not just sing the words, and lift my hands, but really feel God's heart and praise Him for who He is despite the fact that I don't always like the way He works. I had a hard time entering in but through this 15 year old boy in the church God really spoke to me. He got up in front of the church, so scared, but he said He had a word from God. We went on to talk about lifting up our heads to focus on the Lord because it is finished. He talked about how we dont have to come into His presence ashamed because of what we have done because Jesus died for that shame. We can come boldly and confidently to the throne room of our Lord. That really ministered to my heart because it is a concept I have heard over and over, but never realized just how much it affects my walk with God.

It is like as soon as I do something wrong, or fall into the same sin over and over, I just feel so ashamed and like God would never want me in His presence. So I don't go there. But I really felt like what that young lad was saying was for me. God has really been showing me a lot about who He is. He is a God of grace, and compassion, and love. He is a jealous God and all He wants is for His children to come home.

The pastor went on to give a great sermon on confidence and how if we truly want to be confident people we need to be confident in God. He talked from Psalm 27. His main points were basically that our confidence needs to be:

1) Based on the Living God
2) Based on a finished work
3) and Based on a future Glory

He then went on to pick apart every problem we face, depression, fear, rejection, trouble, stress, anxiety...etc. Every single problem or trouble we face has been taken care of. It is finished work because of what Jesus has done for us. If we put our confidence in the Lord than nothing can shake us.

It was great and exactly what I needed to hear. All I have to do is lift up my head because that is where my help comes from. It is finished and I no longer have to be condemed or ashamed, not because of who I am but because of who my God is. I am pretty stoked about this massive, yet simple, foundational revelation.

I may be rejected, forsaken, depressed, anxious, worried and ashamed. But my God is my light, my salvation, my stronghold, my beauty, my safety, my covering, my encouragement and my mercy. AND because of all that I am free. Yay!

I swear that this song was written about me!

"I Need You To Love Me"- Barlow Girls

Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

This song hurts my heart becasue it is SOOOO my heart.

This song really spoke to me today....

Artist: Alana Grace Lyrics
Song: Black Roses Red Lyrics

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away
Chorus:
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gonne
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love (x6)

Can you turn my black roses red? (x3)
Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

Dandelions

I got to spend a whole day with the kids of the neighborhood today. It was the most fantastic day and it put so much into perspective. I never thought that making braclets out of dandelions would ever change things as much as it did.

I got to read stories, chase kids, be a human jungle gym, cuddle kids and laugh. It makes me cry to think about how special that time was, and how much each one of those kids mean to me! I love them so much.

It reminded me why I do what I do. Once again I found myself in a position where I needed that reminder, and once again God in His faithfulness provided. But it was so much more than that. I realized the extent of my selfishness. My desire to go home, my desire to have things my way completely distracted me of the one thing that will make me the most happy- realizing that it is NOT ABOUT ME.

I want to make a difference here, for those kids who are so desperate for someone to listen to them. I want to make a difference even if it means that I spend the rest of my life hugging children in a foreign country away from everyone I know and love.

I keep thinking that if the opporunity to go home early and never come back came that I would go for it and move on. But yesterday reminded me that I wouldnt trade my time here with these kids for anything. I have so much to learn from them.

Grace

My heart has been kind of a mess lately. My head has been even worse. I have been struggling alot with what seems like a never ending list. I have so much fear and so many insecurities. I feel like I have so much to prove but am failing miserably at the same time.

I know that I am the only one who holds the expectations so high that they can never be met. I let myself down everytime and then I get upset and insecure and beat myself up for having the expectation in the first place. That in itself creates a whole new expecation- that I should have learned by now that my old ways will never work. Its just a vicious cycle really.

I can see the end point but its hazy. I know where I want to be, I want passion, I want freedom, I want to walk in the truth, I want to be strong, I want to be in love, I want to serve and make His name known. I want to serve my God with reckless passion and wild abandonment. I want to be everything I am not right now.

I have been learning alot about grace lately becasue I am reading a book by Philip Yancy- its really reminding me of who God is. The God I serve doesnt want me to have insane expectations of myself, He doesnt want me coming into His presence ashamed and condemed becasue no matter how hard I try- I fall.

''As far as the east is from the west thats how far He has removed our transgressions from us. (psalm 20:12)''

This is the truth bouncing around in my heart and in my mind, yet why dont I grab ahold of it and live it. Maybe becasue it sounds just too good to be true. I know the truth and I still choose to live in the darkness I have always known. It makes me sad.

Abba, I just pray that you would really reveal to your children how to truly walk in the freedom of grace. Grace for others, and grace for ourselves becasue of the grace you constantly give to us. I pray that I would beable to stand confidently in your presence knowing that I am forgiven and loved by the love that is everlasting.
Amen.

KiKi

Here is the most recent picture I have of me! I am just hanging out at the internet cafe in Dublin Ireland with unruly curly hair. Yay!!

GREYSTONES

SO JEN AND I DECIDED THAT WE HAD JUST HAD ENOUGH OF DUBLIN AND HEADED OUTSIDE DUBLIN TO ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AREAS IN IRELAND- GREYSTONES. WELL I DONT REALLY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE IN IRELAND TO COMPARE IT TOO, BUT EVERYTIME I GO THERE I AM ALWAYS TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY BY ITS FANTASTIC BEAUTY AND THE PEACE THAT I FIND THERE.

WE JUST WONDERED AROUND THE TOWN, HAD SOME LUNCH AND THEN HEADED TOWARDS TO BEACH. NOW THE BEACH IN GREYSTONES IS UNLIKE ANY OTHER BEACH- ITS FULL OF CLIFFS, AND BEAUTIFUL ROCKS AND THE WATER IS SO CLEAR AND THE SURF SPLASHES UP ONTO THE CLIFFS AND ROCKS. I WAS BLOWN AWAY AT HOW BEAUTIFUL I ALWAYS FIND IT, AND HOW GREAT GOD OUR CREATOR TRULY IS.

JEN PUT IT WELL WHEN SHE SAID THAT SHE MET GOD IN GREYSTONES BECASUE I DID AS WELL. I THINK IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH BEING SO CLOSE TO SOMETHING SO BEAUTIFUL- BUT I ALWAYS FEEL GOD WHEN I AM THERE. IT WAS DEFINATLY A TRIP THAT BOTH JEN AND I NEEDED AS WE WERE GETTING SO TIRED AND JUST RUN DOWN IN DUBLIN. THE SPIRIT IS HEAVY AND TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST GOD SHOWED ME TODAY HOW I ALLOWED MYSELF TO JUST LET GO OF HIM AND EVERYTHING I CARE ABOUT AND STAND FOR AND AM FIGHTING FOR.

GREYSTONES REMINDED ME OF ALOT, AND IT REMINDED ME THAT NO MATTER WHAT I MAY FEEL LIKE, I SERVE AN INCREDIBLE, MAJESTIC, LOVING, COMPASSIONATE CREATOR WORTHY OF MY PRAISE AND SO MUCH MORE.

I NEED TO PUSH THROUGH THIS SEASON AND INTO THE LIFE GOD INTENDED ME TO HAVE. I AM EXCITED BUT SCARED, BECASUE I KNOW THE SACRIFICE INVOVED AND THE HEART ISSUES THAT NEED TO BE DEALT WITH BEFORE I AM TRULY RELEASED INTO THE FULL FREEDOM I KNOW THAT I HAVE IN HIM.